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Why We Have a Need for Affection

1 Answer
Bhaswati Mukherjee

It's perfectly normal for a person to crave affection. In fact, it is not just craving; affection is a need for a person to feel good about themselves and feel empowered and loved. There are several reasons behind needing affection. However, the scientific reason behind the phenomenon is that receiving affection releases oxytocin, or what we call the "love hormone," in your body. Affectionate behaviors like holding hands, kissing, hugging, and even having sex increase oxytocin in your body, providing a feeling of calmness, reducing pain (both mental and physical), and helping with bonding.

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Receiving affection from someone can help with mood stabilization, blood pressure reduction, and more. Most importantly, it boosts your confidence and self-esteem. As mentioned above, there are several reasons why a person craves affection. Although it's normal and everyone deserves some level of affection from their loved ones, sometimes people may become obsessive about it, which can put a lot of pressure on your relationships, either with family members or your partner.

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If you have lately been experiencing that your need for affection is becoming an obsession, you may have many questions going on in your head. This article mentioned all the possible reasons why people crave affection. Hope you find the solution you are looking for.

Here are some reasons why a Person Craves affection in Life

You have high or Unrealistic Expectations

You may have set a pretty high bar about your expectations from people. When you have such unrealistic expectations from people, it becomes impossible for others to fulfill your needs. Even though they try their best, you will always need more.

If you set such high standards, finding a person to check all your boxes will be hard. Not only will you struggle to keep a person in your life, but you will also develop an unfillable hole in your heart.

Having realistic expectations is the key to a happy life. For example, don't expect your date to hold your hands or kiss you on the first meeting. People take their own time to feel comfortable around others. So, you need to respect their boundaries.

You are Afraid of Lonely Nights

Even if you are an introvert and need personal space, you can agree that there are times when you wish someone on your bedside. Most people feel lonely after sunset as they have nothing else to do. Things become worse when the night gets darker as your mind starts to go to darker places. This is the time when you crave affection the most.

A good solution is to find ways to distract yourself with a hobby like cooking, which involves concentration and focus, and you won't have time to think about anything else.

Maybe Change Your Friend Circle

Maybe the problem is not with you, but you are simply in the wrong crowd. There is a reason why we use the term "my kind of people." Sometimes we just don't fit right with some people. This is why some people click instantly when they meet the right person.

It is a struggle to fit in a group that doesn't want you due to differences in opinion, lifestyle, or anything else. A group should make each other accepted and loved. It does not have to be romantic, but they also at least show you affection and, most importantly, value your presence and input. When that does not happen, you will end up craving affection as you feel unimportance and easily replaceable.

If you are surrounded by self-involved people, cut the cord and find yourself in a group that actually cares for you. You can also join a club or community based on your hobbies.

Stop chasing Idealized Lifestyles

All those beautiful couples living their dream lifestyles on social media can set unrealistic expectations. Seeing those perfect couples while scrolling past and wishing you have their life can be drastically different from reality. Some influencers indeed live a lavish lifestyle, but you will find more fakes than real.

Before you start Idealizing affection and intimacy based on your observation of an influencer couple, remember that they do that for ad promotions, which pay their bills.

The solution is to avoid taking social media too seriously. Life in social media is definitely what reflects real life. People don't act in real life like the way they act in social media stories.

Movies and Novels can make you Hopelessly Romantic

If you grow up reading romantic novels and movies, there is a fair chance of you developing some highly unrealistic world around you. It is easy to get absorbed in some nonexistent romantic notions that you accumulated over the years. Some people grow up believing life is a fairy tale or a musical.

Not that it doesn't exist, but holding on to the idea of "forever love" can hurt you in the long run and hamper your capabilities to pursue an ideal partner. You will never find a person who is 100% for you. The key is to manage your expectation, and as long as the person respects you, stay honest, and communicate with you, you don't have to worry about anything.

Your heart is Still Broken

If you have been through a recent breakup, longing for affection is entirely normal. This doesn't have to be sexual or romantic. Breakup is a significant change in life as you won't be having physical contact, including holding hands, kissing, hugging, etc., for a long time. This idea of loneliness can scare people, which is why people seek kindness and warmth from others around them.

There is no solution here. All you have to do is move on and find someone suitable for you, but don't do it as a rebound because you don't want to hurt anyone else.

Maybe it's Something to do in your Childhood

Human beings are social animals, and they always crave attention and affection, especially children. A lack of physical touch from parents in childhood can make you crave affection in adulthood. Maybe you have had a longing desire for affection since childhood, but since you were a child, you could express those feelings, but now that you are all grown up, you can feel this void in your life.

It's essential to understand your feelings, and it's better to go to a therapist for healing.

You are not Getting Enough Validation

There is a link between validation and affection. Feeling the urge to be validated is not a bad thing in itself. In fact, being noticed or getting credited for your work is a nice thing, and you deserve it. The problem is when you don't know when to stop.

Watch your steps to see if you are going overboard for validation. Are you doing things for others just because they will like you? Are you fishing out for compliments? Do you deliberately do things so that others will notice and praise them?

Well, such actions can make you obsessive, making you feel lonely and isolated all the time.

Conclusion

Every person deserves love, appreciation, and affection. If you constantly feel lonely and need a companion, it indicates that you are craving some human touch. All you need to do is be self-confident and make some friends or go on a date if you are single. If you crave affection while in a relationship, there is definitely a compatibility issue that needs to be addressed as earliest as possible. Communicate your concerns with your partner about how you prefer to receive affection and love without feeling embarrassed. Meanwhile, you must also ask your partner how they want to receive affection, as the last thing you want to do is impose something your partner is uncomfortable with.

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